Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Sentence Revision Time!

Last semester, my writing professor gave us an exercise. We were to write 5 descriptive sentences, 5 how-to sentences, and 5 narrative sentences, and then go back and revise them. It was fun! Here's what I came up with:

5 Descriptive Sentences:
1.      The walk from my room to class was, in a word, miserable.
2.      Even through my bedroom window I could see it would be, as there was freezing rain falling.
3.      As soon as I stepped out into the gray morning the downpour pelted my face, forcing me to stare at my feet as I tramped quickly though fresh puddles to the classroom building.
4.      The wind didn’t help matters much, biting my nose and cheeks and hands.
5.      As I clenched my fists and shoved them into the pockets of my steel-colored coat, I wished nothing more than to be back in my soft, warm bed, but I walked on, knowing I had gone too far to turn back.

Revised:
            I knew the walk from my room to class would be miserable as soon as I saw the freezing rain outside my bedroom window. When I finally stepped out into the gray morning, the downpour pelted my bare face, forcing me to stare at my feet as I splashed through newly formed puddles to the classroom building. The wind didn’t help matters much, biting my nose and cheeks and hands, and as I shoved my clenched fists into the pockets of my steel-colored coat, I wished nothing more than to be back in my cozy bed, but I walked on, knowing I had come too far to turn back now.

5 Narrative Sentences:
1.      “Wait! Wait!” Lucy shouted as she ran after the big yellow school bus.
2.      But the red brake lights never lit up.
3.      Lucy sighed as she watched the bus drive away without her.
4.      Late again, she thought.
5.      She would have to explain to Mrs. Marcus why she was late for the fifth time, and this time, there was no excuse.

Revised:
            “Wait! Wait!” Lucy shouted as she ran after the big yellow school bus. But the bright red brake lights never lit up, and she sighed as she watched the bus drive away without her. Lucy was late again, and now she would have to explain to Mrs. Marcus why she was late for the fifth time, and this time, there was no excuse.

5 How-To Sentences:
How to Bathe a Cat
1.      When you want to bathe your cat, you will first need to acquire dish soap and towels (which will probably end up being unnecessary).
2.      Next, proceed to chase your cat around your home.
3.      Eventually, you may capture your cat.
4.      In the event that you do, place the cat in water.
5.      Finally, you  will garner countless scratches on your face and arms and then proceed to let the cat go free, wet fur and all.

Revised:
          When attempting to bathe a cat, first acquire unnecessary items such as dish soap, a water source, a tub, and towels, and then proceed to chase the cat until it is caught. Next, try to place the cat in the tub of water and garner numerous scratches. Finally, give up and set the cat free, wet fur and all. 

...well, that's that! Why don't you give it a try?

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